Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Turning 50 five years ago seemed like a big deal at the time. When I wrote the post Fifty is Just a Number Isn't It? in July 2010 I was musing on the minefield that the fifties looked like to me, and the challenges of aging, without having a clue what was actually going to happen and what it was going to feel like.
Now, turning 55, navigating my way through the minefield, I find myself wondering if I am halfway there - and if so halfway to what?
Maybe it's halfway to 40 from 50. After all, the internet tells me "60 is the new 40". Life expectancy is going up, we're healthier than we have ever been, and so why should you not be running your first marathon at 60? Retirement age is going up and so there is no reason not to enjoy working until your late 60s now.
It's more than halfway to the end, I think. When I plug my age and habits in to various life expectancy tools like Deadline and Living to 100 the answer always comes out the same... 92. So in that case I'm 59% of the way there, just a little more than half way. And of course these tools all tell me the same thing. Reduce stress, exercise more, and drink less. Hah!
Maybe it's halfway to acceptance. Accepting the death of my loved ones. No, I don't think I'll ever accept that. Accepting the tragedy of a loved one who wants to die, but she has Alzheimers and keeps on living and is miserable. Managing the strain that puts on my husband and our marriage. Definitely striving for acceptance on that one and gradually getting there.
I hope it's halfway through my marriage. If the online tools (which are worth what I paid for them which was zero) are right and I live to 92 I will be married for 70 years (since Bret is an athlete I believe he will live longer than me). We've been married 33 years so we are not even halfway! Of course he may think about that and say "yikes, time for a new wife!" but here's hoping not. We've built a happy life together and while we are as different as chalk and cheese it works and we love each other.
It's all the way to having adult children. Wow, what a joy that is! Charming, lovely adults who are delightful to be around and finally do dishes and cook. Hopefully it's still a way to grandchildren though! I hope we're waiting another 10 years for that pleasure.
I'm always halfway to being the perfect weight and physical fitness. I suspect that is a road I'll travel forever. Although I do get fitter every year because every year I care more about being healthy.
And it's definitely halfway to true friendship. My friendships have gone through stages of pleasure, competition, shared challenges (little kids, work), craziness (going to extremes to escape) but, at 55, they are moving into a phase of deep trust. Time has taught me that I have a very few real friends, but they are marvelous. They are accepting, supportive, and joyful even at the worst of times. They just get better with age.
And I'm grateful for all of it. Every day above the dirt is a good day.